Foundation of Marriage: Attitude

We all know that having a good attitude toward anything is super important. How many times have you gone into something with a bad attitude and come out of it having had the best result? Usually you end up being miserable and making everyone else miserable right along with you. Marriage is the same way - a good attitude makes a world of difference. If one or both spouses has a bad attitude about the marriage, most likely you are both just going to be miserable. So, put your bad attitude away, and pull out your best attitude to get things started right.

Now, besides having a good attitude, there is also the need to have a specific type of attitude and focus. In marriage, you really need to have an attitude of other-oriented rather than self-seeking. Today's western society is very self-serving; it's all about advancing your career, doing what makes you feel good, look your best today, and so on and so forth. The problem with that attitude is that if you are worried about just making yourself happy, most likely you are missing the needs of those most important people around you. Now, don't get me wrong - I am not saying people should stay in abusive relationships or completely deny themselves. Let's not get crazy. That's not at all what I am saying, but what I am saying is that in general, marriage requires self-sacrifice. In order to really make a marriage work, you have to be willing to hold the other person in higher regard than yourself. When you do this, it usually causes a domino effect, and your needs will end up being met as well (it's a win, win!). So, the next time you really wished your husband or wife would just do this, or do that...ask yourself, what have you done for them recently? How have you considered their needs? Having an other-oriented attitude is essential to having a quality marriage.

Another important attitude to have to build a solid foundation in marriage is one of prioritizing. I know, I know, there just aren't enough hours in the day for everything. We all know that one :) The truth is, there are only 24 hours in a day, and that's never going to change (at least I don't think so...haha). So, what we are all stuck with is sitting ourselves down and figuring out what needs our time the most. Sometimes we think it's our jobs, our hobbies, our money, etc. The truth is, those things are always going to be pulling at us, begging us to spend our time and energy on them, but they aren't what really matters or is important. What's important is our marriage and our family. Now, of course, working is essential, but a lot of times we spend more time there than we should. No one ever says on their death bed that they should have worked harder or more. People always wish they had spent more time with their loved ones. It's funny, when 2 people start dating, they drop anything and everything to spend time together. They cannot get enough of each other and will do whatever it takes to be with one another. Yet, somehow when we get married, we suddenly don't make that time or effort anymore, and slowly we forget how much we enjoy one another. Think about your job: if you never spent time with your clients, boss, doing work, etc., nothing would be produced. Marriage and family are no different - there will be no product if you haven't been sowing and harvesting your time and attention. So, sit yourself down, and plan out your priorities. What has to stay? What can go? Setting up clear boundaries with yourself can make it a lot easier to say, "No!" to something that tries to steal precious moments from your marriage and family. There is no better day than today to re-prioritize because there will always be something tugging at you, and there is never a "better" time. You will never regret spending time with your loved ones - it's one of the greatest investments you can make.

The final attitude I want to address is an attitude of understanding. Understanding about the basic, biological differences between men and women. Understanding about expectations - your own, and your spouses. First of all, men and women are just so different on so many levels. God created us so uniquely different (shocking, I know). We are so different in fact, that I am going to save that discussion for another time. The bottom line though is that our needs, emotions, reactions, processes, bodies, brains, and so much more are different. Knowing that can really help each of us to be more patient with our spouse of the opposite gender. A little example is that a women might think her husband is ignoring her when she is talking to him while he is working on something, but in reality men's brains are wired where they literally have an extremely difficult time multi-tasking. So, his brain most likely will not have the capacity to work on what he is working on and listen to you. The biggest thing I want to touch on though in the differences world is our basic needs. Men have the basic need to feel respected and have their sexual needs met. Women have the basic need of their emotional love banks filled (listened to, communicating with, feeling loved, etc.). I think knowing these differences helps automatically create this ability to give your spouse grace and understanding. They married you because they love you, and I believe that giving them the benefit of the doubt is crucial. Also, we need to have an attitude of understanding toward expectations. We all come into marriage with them, and some of them are realistic while others are unrealistic. That is a topic I will go into further later, but understanding each others expectations for the marriage is a great conversation piece and great thing to develop so you can understand where that person might be coming from. Really just having an attitude of understanding gives you the ability to extend grace the way you would want it to be extended to you. We are different in so many ways, which is what makes things difficult sometimes, but it's also what makes marriage so special. Even though men and women are so different, they are also so uniquely complimentary.

In closing, having a good attitude, adopting an attitude of prioritizing, and an attitude of understanding are three veery important concepts to take into and apply to the foundation for marriage. Try them out today! Let me know what you think :) Have a blessed day!