THE LAUNCH!!!!!!!

Hello Dear Friends, Fans, & Followers!

Well, it's finally that time...the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT is here! I am pleased to announce that Little Wifey is now a full blown website!!! The new address is www.littlewifey.com.

I want to say thank you to each and every one of you for reading, following, and supporting Little Wifey! You have been the encouragement and motivation for my continued pursuance of this dream to impact marriages, families, and relationships in general. Each of you have been so wonderful, and I greatly appreciate you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued support!!

What will happen is that I am making this announcement on the "old" blog (www.thelittlewifey.blogspot.com) that things have moved to www.littlewifey.com. This message will remain up for about a week before I set it up that any visitors will be automatically redirected to the new site. To go to the blog on the new website, just click on "Blog" at the top of the menu bar. That way if you have given out my business cards with the "old" address or have shared the "old" link, there is no worries because everyone will automatically be redirected to the new page.

Take a tour of the new site, see what you can see, and let me know what you think! If you have questions, you can email me (ashley@littlewifey.com), check out the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) page, or submit the form on the "Contact Me" page. I am really excited about this new site and hope you find it to be even more helpful than just the blog!

If you still aren't sure what Little Wifey is all about, check out the following information. Feel free to share it with your family and friends that might be interested in joining us on Little Wifey (just copy and paste it into a message, email, etc.). Be sure to check out the Support section at the bottom of the message that let's you know how all you can keep helping Little Wifey!

What is Little Wifey? Little Wifey is a site that I started back in July aimed at promoting healthy marriage, relationships, and families through articles, resources, tips, information, and more. Although a lot of my writings are "aimed" at marriages, it's information that can benefit anyone in any situation (single, in a relationship, engaged, etc.). As a marriage and family therapist, I wanted to provide people with a free resource to help make the most of their marriages, relationships, friendships, and families, so I started this blog called Little Wifey (which got its name from my husband :)).

The Journey: In November of 2008, I set out on the journey to start what is now known as "Little Wifey." I actually wanted Little Wifey to be a website, but that proved a much bigger task than I was equipped for, so I settled with a blog for a starting point. Since starting the blog, it has really gained a lot of support and a nice following. The words of encouragement and feedback that I have received have encouraged me that Little Wifey really was a much needed resource in today's climate of failing marriages and relationships. To date Little Wifey has nearly 300 followers on Facebook, can be found on Twitter, has had hits from 17 countries and 41 states. This is all in less than 4 months and only by word of mouth. The support has been exciting and overwhelming, which is why I am thrilled to announce that I have worked hard to keep improving Little Wifey.

THE LAUNCH! Over the last 4 months I have continued to aim for reaching my goal of starting a full blown website with more information for my readers and followers. Thanks to a wonderful person and friend, Taylor Smith, I was able to work hard and finally achieve my goal of having that website! Today I am announcing the launch of the new Little Wifey website....www.littlewifey.com!! I would really appreciate and encourage you to check it out!!!

Support: Little Wifey is a dream that is beginning to be realized for me, and I am beyond ecstatic about it. I spend a lot of my time working on it in hopes that it might help just one person even. I believe in marriage and the fulfillment and joy that can come from it...and I believe no matter who you are, where you are at, or where you are going...you not only deserve that but can really achieve that. So how can you support or follow Little Wifey? There are several ways:
The Website: www.littlewifey.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Little-Wifey/117847136938?ref=mf
Twitter: www.twitter.com/LittleWifey
RSS: www.littlewifey.com/feed
Talk to me...I love comments on the blog, receiving emails (ashley@littlewifey.com), receiving "likes," comments, and messages on the Little Wifey Facebook page, etc.
Spread the word...invite all of your Facebook friends, post my links on your Facebook walls, email your contact list, re-tweet my tweets on Twitter, word of mouth, tell your churches, get creative!

I just want to say thank you so much for your time and attention! Again, I so appreciate that you care, support, and share Little Wifey! I am praying for nothing but blessings on each of your lives this very day!

Thanks,
Ashley

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This Week...

Hey everyone!

As some of you may have noticed, I didn't post anything yesterday on the blog. You may have also noticed that I have been saying that a big announcement is coming (if you are following on Facebook). Well, that announcement is about to be made THIS WEEK. Because of the things that need to be in place for the announcement to be made, there will not be a series this week. Make sure though to go back through the Little Wifey archives to check out some of the previous series! Please STAY TUNED to the Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Little-Wifey/117847136938), Twitter (www.twitter.com/LittleWifey), and the blog (www.thelittlewifey.blogspot.com) for the BIG announcement...COMING SOON this week!!!

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Communication is Key: Love Tip

Alright, well I think you get the point that communication is essential to any and every relationship. I hope you also got the point that it's not just about communicating but how you communicate. The goal is to build up (our spouse, our relationship) rather than tearing down. Also, don't forget that not communicating really is communicating...just not anything good. All that being said, our church (Mariner's Church) did a series awhile ago on making marriage better ("As Good as it Gets?" by Kenton Beshore & Jeff Pries - www.marinerschurch.org). They gave us cards to take home to get the conversation moving along at home (singles - make sure to look for the questions for you too in italics). I thought I would share one of them with you to try out yourself.

• Introduction (Lean in): What is a fond memory you have of your wedding day? Singles: What is a fun memory from a wedding you were part of or attended?
• Observation (Look Down): Read Colossians 3:12-25. Why should we forgive and how does that bring about healing?
• Understanding (Look out): What gets in the way of this kind of forgiveness? What happens when people do (or don't) forgive this way?
• Application (Look in): Is there something you or your spouse has done that needs to be forgiven? How will you ask for forgiveness or extend it, and how will this change your relationship? Singles: Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive, or ask for forgiveness?
• Pray: Spend time thanking God for His forgiveness in your life, even thought you did nothing to deserve it. Thank Him that he has also given you the relationships in your life and the opportunity to ask for forgiveness from those you have hurt. Ask For for the capacity to forgive and extend grace, remove all anger and bitterness from your heart and replace it with the peace that comes from Christ.

Happy weekend! Enjoy it and have a blessed one!

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Communication is Key: Problems with Not Communicating

Sometimes for various reasons we choose to stop communicating. What we forget about is that not communicating actually speaks volumes. In fact, not communicating almost always communicates negativity.

You get in an argument with your spouse. Soon, after a whirlwind of frustration and anger, your spouse stops talking to you. They take on a vow of silence with a mission. They aren't saying anything to you verbally, but the reality is that you know they are angry, hurt, and unhappy. Perhaps you get in a heated discussion with your spouse, and you stop saying anything with your mouth but start rolling your eyes, looking away, and posturing yourself away from them. You are communicating alright...communicating that you are angry with them. Silence can be just as painful as hurling insults and wounding words. A lot of times silence communicates you don't care, your spouse (or the other person if this is between friends, family, gf/bf) isn't important, this conversation isn't worth your time, and a whole lot of other painful things. While silence may seem like the "best" or easy option at times, it's never a good option.

While communicating is inevitably frustrating at times, it's so important to keep on communicating. Of course not everyone loves to talk, but we have to force ourselves to at least communicate with our spouse because your marriage depends on it. Part of the thing we have to realize is that no one can read minds. The only way for someone to understand is for you to tell them. Communication is a fundamental need for women. Of course there are men out there that love to communicate and women who don't, but by in large, women are hard wired to be communicators. We love a good chat, and from the time we are little, we learn to build relationship through communicating. Communicating is essential to every relationship because it helps us to know one another as well as helps us to work through life's challenges and relational issues. I understand that communicating can be extremely frustrating and have many break downs, but that just means we need to keep working at it. If you were trying to get to work, and some of the roads were broken down and under construction, you wouldn't just say, "Forget this! I am going to quite working there." Of course not, you would find a different route to take or a way around that construction. Communication is the same, we have to keep testing out new routes to get to the destination of a relationship.

Communicating creates intimacy and builds relationships, which is why it is so important to keep it up. Not communicating has the opposite affect where the relationship deteriorates and what isn't said only builds walls between people. Communicating is a fundamental need and form of relationship, and if you stop communicating with your spouse, it can often lead to them just turning to someone else to meet this need, which rarely leads anywhere good. If you are really struggling in your communication and feel like you just can't figure out a healthy way to communicate with your spouse, get professional help. We must keep communicating and learning how to best communicate for the sake of our relationships.

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Communication is Key: What & How to Communicate

Communication is essential to any relationship. Without communication, things just kind of fall apart, stop working, and wither away. With destructive communication, there is a lot of pain, hurt, and death. Constructive communication is absolutely essential, which is why I want to talk about what to communicate and how to communicate.

There's no real set equation for perfect communication. It's a process that we always have to work on and can always improve upon. Trust me, it's something I work on daily and know I still have a long way to go. One thing I do know though is what to keep in mind every single time I communicate with my husband, family, friends, and acquaintances: building them up. Every time we communicate, we should be asking ourselves if we are building someone up or tearing them down. Now that doesn't mean you never have tough discussions or say anything that might hurt someones feelings, but it does mean that you are very attentive and cautious with how you are saying things. We can't just say things like, "You are the worst husband ever. You never do what I ask you to do, and I am sick and tired of it." As much as that might be something we would like to say because we are upset, a more constructive comment should be said. Maybe something like, "Honey, you are smart and a wonderful husband. I appreciate all you do, but it's very frustrating that I have had to keep asking you to do this for us. Please, is there any way you can make that a priority?" Affirming, encouraging, and building should be the goals of our communication. Build the other person up and build our relationship up.

There are a few other things to keep in mind on how to communicate with people. Try to stay calm. I know, it's tough sometimes not to get emotional and then just let someone have it. Sometimes this happens, but trying to avoid it as much as possible will be doing you and your relationship a huge favor. Try to identify when you are about to get "over-the-top" emotional, and try to take a deep breathe and maybe even a time out to calm down and think through what you are really wanting and trying to say. Along the same lines as the above paragraph, be constructive. Communication is about building your relationship, being productive, resolving issues, and generally building someone and something up. Tearing someone down is counter-productive and really just creates an even bigger mess for everyone involved. Finally, LISTEN! We forget that there is another side to communicating, and that's listening to what the other person has to say. There are 2 sides to every story, and as much as you have strong feelings on a subject, so do they. Listen intently and with sensitivity to what your spouse or the other person is saying. Not only does it communicate that you care about their feelings, but usually is clues you in to where things are going awry. Stay calm, be constructive, and listen!

Finally, what should you be communicating? Well, communicating is a means to connect and build our relationships. Talk about life, interests, feelings, experiences. Be discretionary with what all you disclose to whom, but talk about who you are and find out who they are. Express feelings and concerns to try to work toward resolves. Share hopes, dreams, goals, and aspirations. Talk about your roles and expectations. Reminisce. There are so many things you can talk about, but the goal is to build, build, build! Choose your words wisely. Always be considerate and a good rule to remember about what you are saying is, "How would I feel if he/she said this to me?"

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Communication is Key: The Power of the Tongue

Whether we realize it or not, there is a lot of power in our tongue. With our tongue we have the power for life or for death. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:21, "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruits." We forget how powerful our words are, but we really need to not only remember that but really be conscious of it.

Stop and think for a moment about the course of your life. How many words have shaped who you are for good or for bad? I can think of specific instances where people have said things that have completely broken me and affected me to this day. I can also think of times where people have spoken life and encouragement over me that has kept me going and affected me for the better to this day. My guess is that there are things people have said to you that have never left you. It is amazing to me how things that are said to us at ages as young as 4 and 5 can impact the rest of our lives. That shows just how powerful words can be, which is why we must use extreme discretion when we open our mouths.

My church, Mariner's here in Irvine, California, did a sermon about the power of words. There was one line in particular that Jeff Pries said that stuck with me, "More homes have been destroyed by words than fires." Wow. What a powerful thought and realization. We must realize the severity and seriousness of watching what we say. So many times it's easy to get caught up in our emotional state and just rip our spouse, child, boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, etc. to shreds. Gosh, I admit it first hand that I say things when I am emotional that aren't the wisest or most constructive things. There are several instances where we must be aware of the danger lurking with our words:

• When you are weak (tired, worn out, stressed out, etc.)
• When you are emotional (argument, often when you are "weak", etc.)
• When someone presents a baiting opportunity (Can you believe what he/she did? Did you hear about so and so?)
• When you have been the victim of a verbally negative cycle (your dad/mom was critical, someone in your family was verbally abusive)
  

These are some situations that can get you in trouble. Avoid being lured into saying things you don't mean. Don't allow your "weak" moments to take over your tongue, keep your emotions in check and stop yourself from saying things when you know you are getting overly emotional, don't take the bait of saying something negative about someone just because an opportunity presents itself, and stop the cycle of a deadly tongue if you have been the victim of it. There are a few other Bible verses I wanted to point out on this subject:

• Ephesians 4:29 - "Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."
• Proverbs 15:4 - "Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit."

It is essential to realize that life and death are in our tongues. We have the power to tear someone down or build them up. We can be a building block in someones life or we can be a stumbling block and tear them down. We can destroy our homes by lacking self control with our words. Of course it's easier said than done, but we must pull the reigns in on our carelessness with words. Yes, it's so hard not to just tear your spouse down when they do something wrong, but demonstrating love, gentleness, and grace in our words can make or break them as well as our marriage. Words are powerful, and we must use them wisely.

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Communication is Key: Introduction

Most of us probably heard that communication is key to a relationship. The problem is that sometimes knowing something doesn't necessarily mean we "get" it. Often times our heads and hearts don't connect. Communication is super important though to every relationship, especially with your spouse and/or significant other.

As some of you may know, I am a huge football fan. The other day I was watching football, and I noticed something that could be applied to marriages. The players that kept their feet moving got tons more yardage consistently out of a play than those that just stopped when they got hit. My favorite college team is Penn State, and they have a stud running back, Evan Royster. The announcers were talking about how when Royster rushes for over 100 yards, Penn State always wins. Where am I going with this? Marriage is very similar - if we keep moving forward then we not only get more yardage out of each "play" (or moment) in life, but we usually win too. If you just give up though on things, then the play is dead, and the majority of times, you won't win either. You have got to keep moving, and communication is a big part of that movement.

This week, I will be talking all about communication - power of communication, what to communicate, problems with not communicating, and how to communicate. Make sure to join me this week!

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