Okay, let's be honest, we all want someone to know us at our deepest levels. No, not just the happy, pretty/handsome face we show to the world, but the REAL us. We crave that, and marriage is the one place we can really explore and acquire that intimate relationship.
The last benefit of marriage I want to touch on is the intimacy developed in marriage. Marriage provides an avenue for intimacy that no other relationship provides. It does so because of the vows we take to love and cherish our spouse no matter what comes our way (sickness, financial struggles, kids...you name it). Those vows create a safe space for us to make ourselves vulnerable to our spouse in ways we don't typically do in other relationships. Friends come and go, betray us, and fall out of touch. Family is part of who we are and where we came from but still doesn't reach the same places a marriage can. Marriage is different because it is supposed to be for life, which opens up the door to a whole world of intimacy - being known at our deepest levels and loved for every ounce of who we are.
When you know someone is going to love you and stick by you no matter what, you can't help but begin to open up, become vulnerable, and share the deepest parts of who you are. Not only does your spouse get to know who you are as a person on the surface, they get to know how you think, your deepest fears, your scars, your hopes, your dreams, and they also know you sexually as well. What a combination! It's a combination that is often imitated but never repeated in other forms of relationships. No other relationship can provide all of the elements that make marriage such an intimate relationship which allows us to know one another in a way no one else does or can. That bond and intimacy only grows as we stick by our spouse day after day, year after year sharing, caring, and joining.
Being known in every way is such an overwhelming feeling that envelops us with love and pushes us closer to our spouse. It's a "vicious cycle," but in a very good way. Intimacy cultivated in a marriage is one of the best parts of marriage. I like to think of it as the cherry on top :)
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True, but with that said, that is the part of the why such deep pain and sometimes hate, when it seems it is no longer an option. Who can hurt us the most? Can we trust that spouse again? Rebuilding....remodeling (tearing down the ugly and cleaning up the junk that was said or done isn't easy .... it is harder then one can imagine. I think that is why most just move on to another. However, I got to say the times I did decide to forgive, I felt that I grew as a person. It is something that I have to continue to work on, for sure!!
Anonymous - Thanks so much for commenting! You know, I am so glad you did write because you brought up a good point about the deep pain & hate that can come when intimacy seems like it is no longer an option. The ones we love the most and open up to the most can also hurt us the most. It's that scary part of vulnerability...the chance at being wounded deeply. That's why it's so important for both spouses to cherish each other and protect each other. That's ideal though and often times we do hurt our spouses deeply, sometimes even unintentionally. Rebuilding, trusting again can be so difficult and challenging, which I think you are right in saying that's why people often think it's easier to just move on. As hard as it may be to believe it though, sticking it out with our spouse is a lot easier than moving on because that next person will inevitable hurt us as some point too (even unintentionally). We are humans, so unfortunately human error comes with that. I like that you point out that forgiveness has always helped you to grow as a person. Forgiveness is an opportunity to show how much you love your spouse. It's easy to love in the good time but takes guts to love in the tough times. Thanks so much for writing! Great stuff!
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