Food for Marriage: Commitment

The second food in my Food for Marriage pyramid is commitment. Commitment is defined by Merriam Webster as:

2a: an agreement or pledge to do something in the future b: something pledged c: the state or an instance of being obligated to emotionally impelled commitment to a cause

I have discussed commitment previously (check out "Love is Intentional: Making a Vow" and "Love is Intentional: Daily Re-Commitment"), and I want to emphasize the importance of it once again. Commitment to marriage is like the heartbeat of marriage; you must exercise it and keep it going if you want the marriage to survive. So many people do not realize that marriage is a commitment; we are vowing that we will stick it out, make the most of it, love and care for our spouse, and do everything we can to nurture our marriage for the rest of our lives. It isn't a feeling or emotion - those change moment by moment. If you are basing your marriage on a fleeting feeling or emotion, then it will most certainly fail. Marriage is a commitment that you must make for life if you want the marriage to make it and thrive. It is that strong footing for which you can place everything upon. Think of a mountain climber. Now I am not a climber myself; I am afraid of heights, but I am familiar with the concept of climbing (I know people and have done one of those climbing walls...haha). Having a strong footing is important; you can't take the next step if you don't have something to push off of. Commitment is that strong footing on a journey up the mountain of life in marriage. Without it, you aren't going anywhere but down.

Marriage isn't something you fell into. The world often says that you fall in love and get married. The reality is that you should spend enough time with a person to establish if they are someone you want to commit to for life in a commitment called marriage. It isn't about falling into anything. It goes back to the fundamental concept that we choose what decisions we make, how we act, how we react, etc. Marriage is a commitment, and it's only going to be as good and strong as the commitment you are willing to make to it and your spouse. Part of that commitment is self-sacrifice. It is that other-oriented mentality. Now I am not encouraging anyone to completely give up their self-identity or to enter into an abusive relationship. What I am saying though is that if you want your marriage to work, if you want your spouse to be happy in the marriage, if you want to be happy in the marriage, if you want your marriage to be the best it can be...you have to start thinking about your spouse. When you enter into a marriage, you are giving up the right to just live for yourself. It's now a joint effort, and everything you do, every decision you make affects someone else. You must start thinking about the other person - their needs, what's best for the marriage, their wants. Maybe you really want to buy a new boat, so you start just putting "your" money aside so you can save up and buy one. Meanwhile, there are some debts that could be paid off, or maybe you really need a few things around the house. It's not about what you want anymore - what do both of you want. If you both want that boat and can really afford it without putting a strain on your finances and marriage, then go for it. But if it's a bone of contention because your spouse knows there are other things that money could and should be spent on, then you need to accept that responsibility. It's not "your" money anymore - it's "our" money. Get outside of yourself and focus on making the marriage work and the other person happy. In the end it will make you happier anyway because your marriage will be thriving and your spouse will happily married.

We so easily commit to so many things - guys/girls night out every month, our jobs, watching TV, even church functions. We commit ourselves to so many things and leave our marriage and family hanging. Although there are other things we need and want to commit to, we can't leave our marriages in the dust. Commitment to the marriage should be the first and foremost commitment at all times with everything else falling in line. The commitment can't be half-hearted or else it's pointless. You must fully commit each and every day to your marriage - making the most of it and being the best spouse possible.