Food for Marriage: Support System

The sixth and final of the Food for Marriage is a support system. Marriage is challenging in and of itself. look It is a similar concept as the old African proverb "It takes a village to raise a child." Despite the fact that Western civilization prides itself on independence, we really are created for relationship. Westerners like to pretend and act like they don't need anyone else, but the truth is we do and are influenced by those who surround us whether we realize it or not. Who we have around us influencing us is something we must take a look at and get right.

Think back to the dating years....
Most people stress about making sure their boyfriend/girlfriend's friends like them. Most of the time that "approval" makes or breaks a relationship. The friends that surround each person have so much influence on the quality of relationship in several ways, and that really doesn't change as a married person. In fact, those surrounding people become even more important. If the friends surrounding each spouse do not like who that person is married too, it can be a very dangerous situation. Often they will speak ill of that person and plant negative seeds into that marriage. Additionally, the quality of friend is important because of the influence they have beyond just negativity toward the spouse or marriage. They may encourage the spouse to go out partying, go to places they shouldn't be, hang out with people they shouldn't hang out with, look at things they shouldn't look at, do things they shouldn't do, etc. I can't tell you how many times I have heard of disturbing situations that arose from being surrounded with the wrong friends. One girl I know is married with 2 kids, but her friends have encouraged her to leave them all at home while she goes out partying, "having fun," and just enjoying herself. The destruction being done to her, her marriage and the lives of her kids is extremely saddening. Several times I have heard of guys being taken out to strip clubs with their friends just because "that's what guys do and looking never hurt anyone." That's an absolute lie by the way (a discussion for another time). Another girl I know was engaged to a guy who was hanging out with a bunch of divorced and single guys. Eventually he was fed so much negativity about marriage that he just called everything off to pursue the "fun" single life. Time and time again, story after story, I have heard of situations like this resulting in or heading toward disaster for relationships and marriages. A poor choice in the friends that surround you can literally destroy a marriage.

What kind of friends should you have then? Well, I am not saying you can't have single friends and divorced friends or that you can never go out or have fun. What I am saying is that discretion in friends is essential to the success and quality of your marriage. Try to find friends and family who encourage your marriage. Ones who keep you in check and keep you accountable to your spouse, marriage, and responsibilities. Every single friend/family member surrounding you should be promoting the health of the marriage. If they aren't, then beware of that influence. Again, that doesn't mean you can never discuss problems or issues you are struggling with or that your friends/family can never speak into your life about some things they might see going on. What is their ultimate goal though? Are they bringing up things to help your marriage to ultimately become better? Are they going to listen and encourage you when you are struggling? You want friends/family surrounding you that can uplift you and your marriage. You want them to encourage positive behaviors in you and keep things in check if they might get a little out of line. Having people around you that are also married can help create accountability and encouragement. I love being around my parents and Steve's parents because they are still married, still going strong, and I know we can learn a thing or two from their journey and success. If your parents are divorced, try to find family members that are still married. Join a small group for couples at your church. Look for quality friends/family who are going to help your marriage, encourage your marriage, and promote it's growth, development, and health.

It is amazing to me how much influence the people have around us. Sometimes we are aware of the influence and sometimes we aren't. With marriage, we must be aware of the influences around us because we need them to be pro-marriage! Having a strong and great support system is absolutely imperative for the success of a marriage. It lifts you when you are down, encourages you when you are discouraged, keeps an eye out when yours are blinded, and just helps keep you going when things are tough. Plus, it is fun to be around people who are all sharing in life together with a mentality of happiness and growth. Surround yourself with a strong support system; it is crucial for you and your marriage!