Welcome to Little Wifey!

I just want to welcome you to my blog! This is designed to be a place of information and discussion about marriages - ones about to start out, ones just starting out, ones that are thriving, ones that are troubled, ones that have ended. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I wanted to find a platform to help the struggling entity of marriage in our current society. I believe we don't have to settle for only 1 out of every 2 marriages surviving. If you will be willing to open up your mind and heart, together we can move marriages from surviving to thriving!
Showing posts with label agape. Show all posts
Showing posts with label agape. Show all posts
0 comments

Love in a Marriage: Agape

As I mentioned yesterday, there are three types of love that complete a marriage. The first one we are going to discuss is Agape love. Agape love is an unconditional love. Unconditional love does not put conditions on it, which means that the love is always present, always strong. Who wouldn't want that kind of love? Agape love is a sort of anchor in a marriage because it gives each person confidence and security in their spouse and self to know they will always love each other no matter what.

Now the reality is that unconditional or agape love is the goal, but humans are not really capable of 24/7 unconditional love. We are flawed human beings who get emotional, irritable, angry, selfish, and a whole assortment of other things. That reality does not give us an excuse to throw agape love out the window though. It is the goal, which means we are constantly striving to set ourselves and humanity aside to provide unconditional/agape love for our spouse. What is great is that when two people are demonstrating agape love, the other person's love covers those times when maybe our spouse is a little less than loving a day or two. It's almost an insurance policy on the marriage - one is always providing coverage for the other to keep the marriage strong, anchored, and secure.

There is a story that agape love stirs in me that I thought I would share. It is of two women arguing over a child, both claiming that it is hers. Brought before the king, the 2 ladies both continue to claim the child is hers. The king decides that a sword should be put to the child to divide it in half - one half for each of the women. One of them protested and said to just give the child to the other, while the other was going to just allow this division to happen. So, the king stopped the act, and had the child given to the one who protested the act and was willing to give the child to the other lady. He claimed that she was the mother. If you would like to read this story in more detail, you can find it in the Bible - 1 Kings 3:16-28. This mother demonstrated agape love. She would have given up her child to someone else to be raised rather than to see it harmed. We need to be willing to love our spouses no matter what the circumstance. It is easy to love someone when they are deserving, kind, thoughtful, etc., but can you love them when they are not any of that?

Agape love is unconditional. All marriages need that kind of love - secure, covering, anchoring. If we all practice agape love toward one another, we would be cultivating the other 2 loves, which will be discussed later this week. Stay tuned!
read more
0 comments

Love in a Marriage

We all know that love in a marriage is super important. But love has gotten a little out of control these days, and the definition has gotten a little blurred and convoluted. We say "I love you" to our spouse, and then we turn around and say, "I love cheeseburgers." Obviously we don't feel the same love for cheeseburgers as we do for our spouse (at least I hope not!), but yet, we use the same terminology. What is the difference? Action. You don't display love for your cheeseburger in any way other than verbally saying it. With marriage, you must display love for your spouse, not just say it.

Most of us have probably heard the phrase "love is a verb." It reminds me of an old DC Talk song, "Luv is a Verb" for those of you who know the Christian band. The song says in one part:

Words come easy but dont mean much
When the words theyre sayin we cant put trust in
Were talkin bout love in a different light
And if we all learn to love it would be just right

Hey, tell me havent ya heard?
Luv, is a serious word
Hey, I think its time ya learned
I dont care what they say
I dont care care what ya heard
The word luv, luv is a verb

It is true though, love is not a noun, it is a verb. What does that really mean though? Well, true love is not just a fleeting feeling that comes and goes. It isn't just a flippant encounter or a one-foot-in-and-one-foot-out commitment. Love is a constant act of loving your spouse in all situations, when the emotional love comes and goes, when they deserve and don't, when you feel like it and don't...it doesn't stop working! Love is an action - one that each of us has to take each and every single day toward our spouse if we want our marriages to make it and be the best they can possibly be!

This week we will be looking at three different kinds of love that should exist in a marriage. They are:
  1. Agape - unconditional
  2. Phileo - compassionate & friendship
  3. Eros - Passion & fire
When all three of these types of love exist and are cultivated in a marriage, you have this incredible relationship that is super fulfilling and exciting. So, join me in this week's journey through the 3 types of marital love!
read more