Finances...*sigh* This is something that is on a lot of our minds these days with how things have been with the economy. How nice the world would be if we didn't all have to stress and worry about money...right? Well, unfortunately, that's not going to happen anytime soon, so we have to face our finances head on. Finances cause so much strain and trouble to people, but it rarely effects anything more than a marriage. Marriages take a beating from financial issues, and we need to put a stop to it.
Finances is one of the top reasons marriages end in divorce. There are several contributing factors to why that is the case. One is that we often have different ideas of how we want to handle finances in a marriage. Often one person thinks you save as much as you can and spend only what you need to, while maybe the other person thinks you should just spend it if you have it. Sometimes the problem is who handles the finances - the husband or wife, you or me. Other times the problem is just not knowing how to handle finances - what to spend where, how much to save, coming up with a budget, etc. The unfortunate truth is that most couples never even know this could be and usually is an issue and rarely is it ever discussed before the marriage starts, so there you are scrambling around to try and make sense of how things are going to operate in your home. A second reason for finances being a reason for divorce so often is that money has always been but continues to grow into an all-consuming obsession in people's lives. We are motivated and driven by the almighty dollar. We can never make enough of it, can never own enough things, and will sacrifice just about anything, including our marriages, relationships, and families to have as much of it as possible. We forget that most of the time, we started making money so that the "things" we could have were actually our marriages and families. Hmmm...our original motivation for making money becomes the doormat for the obsession of money. A third reason that money can be so problematic in a marriage is not knowing how to budget and handle money. A lot of couples really don't know what to do with their finances, which typically leads to a lot of bills and debt that ultimately leads to a lot of fighting and strain on each person and the marriage. These are some of the main reasons that finances can be so troublesome in a marriage.
Well, what now? There are several things you can do to help alleviate these issues:
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Finances is one of the top reasons marriages end in divorce. There are several contributing factors to why that is the case. One is that we often have different ideas of how we want to handle finances in a marriage. Often one person thinks you save as much as you can and spend only what you need to, while maybe the other person thinks you should just spend it if you have it. Sometimes the problem is who handles the finances - the husband or wife, you or me. Other times the problem is just not knowing how to handle finances - what to spend where, how much to save, coming up with a budget, etc. The unfortunate truth is that most couples never even know this could be and usually is an issue and rarely is it ever discussed before the marriage starts, so there you are scrambling around to try and make sense of how things are going to operate in your home. A second reason for finances being a reason for divorce so often is that money has always been but continues to grow into an all-consuming obsession in people's lives. We are motivated and driven by the almighty dollar. We can never make enough of it, can never own enough things, and will sacrifice just about anything, including our marriages, relationships, and families to have as much of it as possible. We forget that most of the time, we started making money so that the "things" we could have were actually our marriages and families. Hmmm...our original motivation for making money becomes the doormat for the obsession of money. A third reason that money can be so problematic in a marriage is not knowing how to budget and handle money. A lot of couples really don't know what to do with their finances, which typically leads to a lot of bills and debt that ultimately leads to a lot of fighting and strain on each person and the marriage. These are some of the main reasons that finances can be so troublesome in a marriage.
Well, what now? There are several things you can do to help alleviate these issues:
- Put your money in place! Money is not the be all, know all, top priority in life. Money is a means to an end. It is that necessity to take care of our families. We place so much emphasis on money, but as a lot of us have learned, it can be gone in a minute anyway. Keep your priorities in order - family & marriage first, money & things second.
- If you aren't married yet, start talking about finances. How do you want to handle them? Who is going to manage them? Set up a budget, and maybe even go see a financial planner if at all possible. Get this conversation going though so you go into marriage with a plan.
- If you are married, still get to talking on finances. It is never too late to sit down and talk about how you want to handle the finances, who is going to handle them, and your financial goals. If things are a little out of order and chaotic, go set up an appointment with a financial planner to help them help you. Don't panic, just take a deep breath and try to organize yourselves.
- Avoid debt! Nowadays there are so many ways to get what you want without actually having the money for it. Obviously there are times you might need to take out a loan, but make sure that you really have the money and budget to make your payments. My parents always told me that if I get a credit card, to make sure that at the end of every month I have the money to pay it completely off. I have always stuck to that rule. It is tough because there is so much wonderful "stuff" out there calling our names, but if you don't have the money for it...don't get it!! The Bible says in Proverbs 22:7 "The borrower is slave to the lender." Debt can add so much unnecessary stress to our lives and marriages, so I would encourage you to be very cautious and careful when considering taking on debt.
- Set up a budget. The basic principle of a budget is to know how much money is coming in, how much money needs to go out (rent, car payment, insurance, food, etc.), and then how much is left over. What is coming in needs to be higher than what is going out. With what is left over, figure out if you want to save or invest some of that, and then know what you have left for the "extras" in life. People think budgets are so elementary, and a lot of people never do one. I can't encourage you enough though to make one and follow it because it really can keep you on track and save you a lot of headaches and marital problems.
- Distinguish between needs and wants. We often think we have to have something because we need it when in fact it is just something we want. Indulging in constant wants leads to debt, so be careful. A simple rule is to literally ask yourself with each thing you are buying, "is this a want or a need?" Buying needs and not wants will keep you on track.
- Keep Christ in your finances. As a Christian, I believe tithing is so important. I have always been a believer in tithing and have always had my financial needs met. It seems silly or old-fashioned, but it has never failed me! God blesses us with all that we have whether we realize that, believe that, or not; trust Him with what He has given you. He promises to bless us abundantly in return, and He has never failed me. If you don't quite know how or what to do, talk to a pastor about it.
