Benefits of Marriage: Intimately Known

Okay, let's be honest, we all want someone to know us at our deepest levels. No, not just the happy, pretty/handsome face we show to the world, but the REAL us. We crave that, and marriage is the one place we can really explore and acquire that intimate relationship.

The last benefit of marriage I want to touch on is the intimacy developed in marriage. Marriage provides an avenue for intimacy that no other relationship provides. It does so because of the vows we take to love and cherish our spouse no matter what comes our way (sickness, financial struggles, kids...you name it). Those vows create a safe space for us to make ourselves vulnerable to our spouse in ways we don't typically do in other relationships. Friends come and go, betray us, and fall out of touch. Family is part of who we are and where we came from but still doesn't reach the same places a marriage can. Marriage is different because it is supposed to be for life, which opens up the door to a whole world of intimacy - being known at our deepest levels and loved for every ounce of who we are.

When you know someone is going to love you and stick by you no matter what, you can't help but begin to open up, become vulnerable, and share the deepest parts of who you are. Not only does your spouse get to know who you are as a person on the surface, they get to know how you think, your deepest fears, your scars, your hopes, your dreams, and they also know you sexually as well. What a combination! It's a combination that is often imitated but never repeated in other forms of relationships. No other relationship can provide all of the elements that make marriage such an intimate relationship which allows us to know one another in a way no one else does or can. That bond and intimacy only grows as we stick by our spouse day after day, year after year sharing, caring, and joining.

Being known in every way is such an overwhelming feeling that envelops us with love and pushes us closer to our spouse. It's a "vicious cycle," but in a very good way. Intimacy cultivated in a marriage is one of the best parts of marriage. I like to think of it as the cherry on top :)

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Benefits of Marriage: The Spiritual Side

The Bible tells us that there are a lot of benefits to marriage. We already learned about a whole slew of benefits of marriage found by researchers yesterday, but what does the Bible have to say about marriages? God created marriage because He saw that "it is not good for man to be alone" (Bible, Genesis 2:18).

Marriage really is a God thing. He created marriage because He knew that man and woman needed one another. As I mentioned in "Benefits of Marriage: Friend for Life," we are relational human beings who desire to be known. God knew that about us when He created us (He created us that way), and so he established the idea of marriage for our benefit. The wonderful thing about that is He wants to help our marriages, if we are willing to make Him apart of them. Seek Him, pray to Him, place your marriage, self, & spouse before Him daily, invite Him into your marriage. Not only do we have a companion to go through life with in our spouse, but we also enjoy some pretty cool benefits that come straight from the creator of marriage.

In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, the Bible tells us one of the key benefits of marriage: "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls for he has no one to help him." Wow. I don't know about you, but this is pretty profound to me. It's a pretty amazing concept that God has given us a companion so that when we fall in life, the other is there to help pick us up. I'm not sure about you, but I have fallen many times in my life and know that I probably will continue to do so. That's one of the wonderful things I have experienced in my marriage; when I "fall" Steve is right there to help pick me up and visa versa. Not only does it help me/him to recover more quickly, but we bond in that situation as well. It's kind of simple but so true...two are better than one.

In Matthew 18:20, the Bible gives us another big clue as to the benefit of marriage. "For where two or more are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." The cool thing about this verse is that it lets us know that because we have our spouse, we have a prayer partner that helps us to have a direct connection with God. If we get together with our spouse to pray for something, God's going to be right there in our midst. He cares about us, and as a married couple, we are blessed with an automatic ability to have God meet with us. Not sure about you, but I think this is a pretty powerful resource to have available for anyone who gathers before His name.

One of my favorite parts about marriage has been the glimpse of God's love for me. What do I mean? Well, there are times I know that I do not deserve an ounce of Steve's love. I don't deserve for him to cherish and adore me, but he does regardless. He loves me when I am completely unlovable, and in those moments, I feel the brush of God's fingertip on my life. It's a glimpse of how much more my heavenly Father must love me even though I am broken, ugly, and flat out unlovable at times. Marriage is this amazing opportunity to display the love we have for our spouse, but it's also a way to show our spouse the incredible love that God has for us in spite of all our ugliness, which is just an overwhelmingly amazing experience to have.

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Benefits of Marriage: It's Not All in Your Head

Something that really amazed me when I learned about it was that there are a lot of physical and mental benefits of marriage. Literally marriage makes us well. This was shocking to me in a lot of ways because a lot of what you hear is how "marriage is a constant headache," "marriage is a pain in the neck," and other things like that. People have such a negative view of marriage, but the truth is that marriage is literally beneficial to our minds and bodies.

There have been a lot of studies done, and all the research comes back saying the same thing...marriage is good for us in a lot of ways. These studies go on to specify that these benefits are found only in marriages and not couples who merely cohabitate. How exactly is marriage so beneficial to us? Check out the list below (these are 1st marriages compared to singles, cohabitating couples, or divorced people):

• Married couples have lower blood pressure
• Financially married couples are better off and have a higher standard of living.
• Married people smoke less.
• Married people have lower levels of stress.
• Marriage decreases the likelihood of mental illnesses, specifically depression & substance abuse. (Depression is 3 times greater in women who divorce & substance abuse is 2 times more likely in men who divorce)
• Married people display higher levels of happiness.
• Higher life expectancy
• More likely to overcome illnesses, especially life threatening ones
• Married people are less likely to engage in "risky behaviors" and more likely to engage in healthy ones.
• More frequent sex and better quality of sex
• Better overall health
• Higher satisfaction levels with spiritual & religious life.

Another thing to note are the benefits of a married couple on their children. Check out all of those benefits (again, these are in reference to 1st marriages compared to singles, cohabitating couples, or divorce people):

• Children are less likely to experience a premarital birth or conception in future relationships
• Higher education levels & better academic outcomes
• Less likely to experience emotional & behavioral problems
• Less likely to use drugs
• Less child/parent conflicts
• Children are more likely to have financial stability (60% of people under the poverty guidelines are divorced women and children)
• Better physical and emotional health
• Less occurrences of child abuse
• Lower infant mortality rates

As you can see, marriage has a lot of physical, financial, and emotional benefits to both spouses as well as the children involved. Study after study has been done to research these findings, and consistently they show numerous and astounding benefits to individuals who choose to marry and stay married. It's not in your head, marriage equals happier and healthier lives.

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Benefits of Marriage: Friend for Life

One of the most practical and wonderful ways that marriage is a benefit to us is that we have a friend for life. No matter where your marriage is at the moment, you have got to admit that you found your spouse to be enjoyable company at one point and time. Most of the time we marry someone that we really are friends with at first and through the dating process, we decide they are thee friend that we can't live without.

Friendship is something that is important to all human beings. We were created to be in relationship with others. We crave being known at our deepest levels. We crave having someone care about us unconditionally and when we are completely undeserving. We dream of being looked at by the same person day in and day out for 20, 30, 40, 50+ years and still seeing admiration and desire in their eyes that communicates we are still the most attractive person in the world to them. We desire to have someone to share our hopes, dreams, and goals with. We hope for someone to go through life with hand-in-hand laughing, making memories, having fun, and experiencing the joys of living with. I can't help but think of the quote:

"This day I will marry my friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love” ~Author Unknown

Marriage provides all of those things and then some when we are willing to commit to it and be that for our spouse (not just expect that from them without being that for them). One of the greatest joys I have experienced in my own journey of marriage is the friendship that has developed between my husband and I. It is this friendship times a gazillion where we are each others best friend and thoroughly enjoy the company of one another. It's this amazing anchor in our marriage that at the end of the day, we flat out really enjoy one another. He's my "partner in crime," and there's no one else I'd rather do anything with. Now I have to put it in here, I am not saying that you should isolate yourselves from the world and have no other friends. What I am saying though is that we are created for relationships, and a lot of times we work really hard at developing our friendships outside of the marriage. Then there is our marriage, and we forget that the foundation of a good marriage is developing and maintaining that friendship with your spouse. If you keep that friendship strong and growing, you will enjoy your spouse and find it much easier to work through things together. Never mind the fun of being married to your best friend!

I want to leave you with a few cool quotes about friendship that I think remind us why cultivating the friendship in a marriage is so important:

• "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." ~Walter Winchell
• "Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief." ~Swedish proverb
• "Friends are needed both for joy and for sorrow." ~Samuel Paterson
• "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe unto him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." ~The Bible: Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.

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Today's Climate

First of all, I just want to thank everyone who has been checking out the page, commenting, encouraging, and just supporting this effort! I am so appreciative and excited for the future! Thank you!!

Alright, so let's get this started :) I found it fitting to start with where marriages are at currently. How do people view them? How does society in general view them? Etc., etc. My hope is to give you my personal view as well as statistics and information about where marriage is really at these days.

On a personal note, it's been pretty sad to see the condition of marriages in today's world. Most of us have heard the staggering statistic that only 1 out of every 2 marriages in America will survive (more stats to come). Meanwhile, as I sit down with my hubs to watch a movie or some primetime TV, to peruse a magazine, take a drive, or even just sit at a cafe, I see and hear a very negative view of marriage. Pornography (varying in degree) is plastered all over our TV shows, billboards, magazines, and media. It's so frustrating to not be able to sit down and watch a movie with my hubs without seeing a little more skin than I wanted to of an actress or two. Movies, media, and shows paint the single and/or promiscuous life as the glamorous, fun, and frivolous life free from the chains, pains, and sufferings of the married life. Marriages are given a negative connotation with messages like - celebrate your last night of freedom before getting hitched, you are about to get a ball-and-chain, good-bye to the fun life. On an even more personal note, before Steve and I got married, we received an alarming amount of comments about how tough and generally negative marriage is. Don't get me wrong, marriage is work (a subject that will be explored later), but marriage is awesome when done "right"! And I have been single before - let's be honest, weekends alone, those awkward first dates, trying to learn someone and be learned from scratch, worrying if he/she likes you or not, playing games - it's not all fun and games for single people either. And the promiscuous life, well that's not all it's cracked up to be either. The risk of pregnancy, STDs, broken hearts, and having to account for all of that when you finally do find the one you want to be with doesn't sound so glamorous or fun to me. Those parts are always left out of the shows though...hmmm. Now I just want to pause to say, I am not trying to make anyone feel badly! I am just being real here and trying to give a different perspective from the day-to-day messages we receive.

Alright, let's get down to some cold, hard facts :) I mean don't get me wrong, I am a women of faith, but I love me some good, solid facts! These are things related to things I mentioned above and just marriage in general.

• Divorce Rates: 50% of 1st marriages will end in divorce (a lot of us have heard that one)

67% of 2nd marriages will end in divorce
74% of 3rd marriages will end in divorce

• By year #7 in a marriage, over 50% of marriages end
• During the period of time when children are in their adolescent years, marriage satisfaction is reported at its lowest.
• 69% of marital fights are perpetual and are never resolved
• Marital dissolution can lead to severe mental and physical complications for both spouses including: increased risk of psychopathology (fancy word for mental illness); increased rates of automobile accidents, including fatalities; increased incidence of physical illness, suicide, violence, and homicide; decreased longevity; significant immunosuppression; and increased mortality from diseases ("The Marriage Clinic" by Gottman)
• Research suggests a wide range of benefits for those who marry, including better health, greater wealth and more happiness for the couple, and improved well-being for children.
  

• Cohabiting couples have a rate of separation that is five times that of married couples, and, in the event of separation, cohabitors have a rate of reconciliation that is only 33 percent as high as that of married couples (Binstock 2003)
• The Center for Health Statistics reports that there is a drastic increase of pregnancies in the U.S. by umarried women - from 18% in 1980 to a current 40%
• As of 2003, there were 1.3 million pornographic websites; 260 million pages (N2H2, 2003)
• The total porn industry revenue for 2006: $13.3 billion in the United States; $97 billion worldwide
• 47 % of families said pornography is a problem in their home (Focus on the Family Poll, October 1, 2003)
• The average age of marriage for women is 26 and for men is 28
• A growing percentage of Americans aren't marrying at all: Provisional statistics released February 2009 report 7.1 marriages per 1,000 people in 2008, down from 10 per 1,000 in 1986.

Well, these are just some general statistics I thought everyone might be curious about or enjoy reading and pondering over. There is no doubt that marriage is on a decline, and there really is not a ton of support for healthy, monogamous marriages out there. There is a constant prodding that the "grass is greener on the other side" but when people who have tested out those greener pastures are questioned, they most commonly admit they aren't at all! Marriage has a lot of statistical benefits to both spouses as well as the children involved, but there are just a lot of benefits across the board. A friend, companion, partner in crime, co-pilot, someone who knows you better than anyone else...the list could go on for a very long time.

The bottom line of today's entry is that society today isn't out there promoting marriage, and there are actually a lot of things out there raring their ugly heads to destroy marriage. Knowing that gives us a platform to rise above those things. Know your enemy, and then fight him!

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